Our Ancestral Influences
We are indigenous to our own ancestry and cultures. We dive deeper into our own personal heritage and the influence our self exploration has had on Ecodelic.
In order to understand oneself, it helps to start building an awareness of one’s ancestry and recognize the influence of cultural value systems and traditions. At Ecodelic we aim to provide culturally competent care and are mindful of how our own backgrounds inform how we exist personally and professionally.
Mental health practitioners have not always been encouraged to self disclose, and we see how that can be a disservice to those we work with. Especially when practicing alternative forms of care as we do, we acknowledge the importance of building trusting relationships with clients, and that can be supported by our own investigation and disclosure of cultural influences.
We would each like to share with you more about our own cultural background for you to get a better understanding of how we came to be who we are today. We acknowledge both our own privilege and hardships related to our lived experiences and hope that we can be a model for the populations we serve as well as connect with our ancestry to support our work.
Ashley’s Ancestry
I didn’t know much about my ancestry growing up except I was biracial (father “black” and mom “white”) with American heritage. I was born in Oklahoma but grew up primarily in Los Angeles, with 10 years of my young life in San Diego, CA. My parents moved out of Oklahoma when I was a baby as they didn’t feel I would survive there due to being biracial.
I also think my parents always knew my true spirit could never live in the midwest. Later I learned the sacrifices they made to give me a different reality. They wanted me to feel free in a way they never did growing up. They experienced discrimination for their relationship at the time and wanted to shield me from the deep racism of the time.
Any deep dive into my ancestry was not discussed or shared in my family with the exception of some cultural traditions and values that I wasn’t able to trace back to anything other than my immediate family. My mom was adopted from a Lutheran church with Norwegian heritage while my father’s roots were in Tulsa, Oklahoma with family members connected to the Greenwood District of Black Wall Street.
My parents were true outliers because they moved to the west coast and built a new life defying their upbringing rooted in rigidity. My dad has since thrived in upper education leadership and has been my role model my whole life.
He married my stepmom Susan Swarts, Administrative Director of Data X at UCLA. If you haven’t realized yet, education and intellectualism has always been a pillar of identity in my family. Susan took on the role of mom from an early age and she further expanded progressive ideals.
I always felt like a melting pot of culture yet not really understanding my own roots or what my personal spirituality was. I experienced a lot of confusion not fitting into a binary racial, spiritual and sexual identity, yet I had the privilege of growing up around all types of people due to my parent’s love of diversity and progressive thought. I was lucky to experience a multicultural progressive upbringing where I was able to experience different values and ideals from all around the world as it was encouraged.
My mom was fascinated with different organized religions as she was raised in a strict Lutheran household, so I remember learning about Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Islam and Hindu traditions from an early age. She was involved in different churches growing up including Agape International Spiritual Center LA and a Science of Mind based church called Seaside Center for Spiritual Living in San Diego, CA. There was always an emphasis on spirituality as a non denomination and inclusive of all different types of philosophy and thought around our creation and purpose.
My dad grew up in an African Methodist Episcopal (AME church) household and I would go to Vernon AME church in Tulsa Oklahoma every summer when I visited my grandparents. I remember my great grandmother being a devout member who would go to church multiple days of the week and participate in many community church functions. I could see how the church was a big support system and means of hope for my grandparents which I found to be valuable.
I was fascinated with the similarities and differences and felt drawn to different practices for various reasons. It took years for me to really dive deep into my own cultural heritage and spiritual identity, yet I loved engulfing myself in the vast array of human experience that make up our beautiful world.
I knew very early on that I was pansexual which added to the intricate exploration of self and what that meant in regards to belonging. I was a queer mixed-race kid with a voracious appetite for deep emotional existential questioning, critical thinking and creative expression so it’s safe to say I was a tulip in a rose garden. When it came to connecting to my indigenous roots I wasn’t always sure my ancestors would accept me for the person I was which made it hard for me to connect with them in honor. I have since realized my ancestors paved the way for me to be exactly who I am which is a gift I respect immensely today.
When I think about cultural appropriation versus cultural appreciation, I believe we all are more alike than different and that we can learn from our differences rather than separate and divide as a means of survival. With shared humanity we can also respect the sacredness of each culture honoring their own traditions and values. Appreciating and participating in other culture’s traditions is wonderful, yet taking those practices on as your own without honoring those who originated them is disrespectful.
Since many African Americans didn’t have any information regarding ancestry due to a lack of records, I wanted to dive into my African roots and the cultural norms of both my backgrounds. My mother’s lineage was always a mystery due to her adoption, so it was important for me to look at where we both came from and how that impacted my current connection to nature, my clinical practice and psychedelic work. After doing a DNA test I was able to see the many layers of myself and where my ancestors came from.
Most of my DNA is Northern European (Norway, Scotland, England, Ireland) and West African (Nigeria, Mali, Senegal).
I should have known that my love of Paganism was due to my own lineage. There was something about the intensity and passion of it all mixed with the witchy storytelling that felt so familiar. Paganism has been seen as a sort of hedonism, yet if you look deeper, it’s true connection to the divine feminine, spirituality and nature worship. Rituals with plant medicine as a way of dualistic cosmology fusing the mortal and spiritual realm through the cycle of birth, growth and death has profound meaning. A true sacred practice of honoring multitudes which is important in my work as a therapist.
My roots in West African Ifá, an earth based African spiritual tradition conceptualized by the Yoruba people of Nigeria over 8,000 years ago, is another example of how our ancestry impacts our current reality. Ifá is “A beautiful divination system balanced on three legs: Orunmila (Creator), Òrìsà (Nature Spirits), and the Ancestors. The Supreme Being, Orunmila, is without gender and is not an active participant in the affairs of living humans. Orunmila is benevolent and has provided a Universe with all that is needed for humans to be fulfilled and happy. Through Ifá divination, diviners invoke Orunmila, the deity of wisdom, spirit of destiny, prophecy, morality, and ethics. Through a rich language of visual metaphors, Ifá priests convey their concept of the cosmos, and the forces that animate it in the design and creation of times. Ifa divination rites provide an avenue of communication between the spirit world and the living.” (Source)
Ifá and Pagan tradition resonate with me and I listen to music, connect to the principles, and respect the impact of my lineage. As I mentioned before, I also enjoy aspects of other cultures and traditional practices as a means of respect and reciprocity and remain curious and open regarding the different ways people honor their life and those of their ancestors.
We are all indigenous to our own culture. We are all future ancestors to our own story. We must respect and honor our own truth and be curious about those around us as we are all one spirit. I invite you to explore your own lineage and be curious about the diverse world around you. You may fall in love with the complexity of humankind in the ways we experience life and realize we’re all valuable in our differences.
Mary’s Ancestry
When I share that I grew up in Orange County and looking the way I do, I’ve observed that people tend to assume things about me. I wonder what it brings up for you now if you don’t know me. It is so natural for us humans to create meaning out of a couple of details we can observe, even if those interpretations are false we can hold on to them.
My Papa is first generation Colombian-American, and my Mama’s family is a mix of European ancestry. My ancestry stems from primarily Spain, Scotland, England, the Indigenous Americas, and Basque. As someone who is White presenting and has lived with that privilege, I often struggled with my cultural identity as someone who is half Latina. While I was raised in a county that is known for its wealth and being more conservative than neighboring Los Angeles County, for rich housewives and “The OC,” my lived experience was quite different.
I spent most of my childhood and adolescence living in Santa Ana, in particular in a more rural neighborhood with properties zoned for livestock, where we experienced regular home robberies and my family struggled financially. It was after the fourth break in, the first where someone was home when I was 13 years old and home alone with my best friend, that we felt forced to move to what we hoped would be a safer city, Fountain Valley.
The first couple of decades of my life I struggled with feeling like I belonged anywhere. I perceived my mom’s family to be the American White family who had gone through significant trauma, and my dad’s Colombian family to be the ones who would party and have fun. Because of generational trauma, my mom held a lot of fear and didn’t want my dad or my sister and I to visit Colombia, and she didn’t trust anyone.
In Santa Ana, where our peers were predominantly Latinx, my sister Amanda has said we were “too White,” and in Fountain Valley, we were the “Brown kids.” We were not taught Spanish, despite my Papa using it daily at his lawnmower mechanic shop and being surrounded by it as we spent our afternoons there after school. I often felt like a fraud when telling people I was Colombian and “a mix of White,” because I didn’t feel truly connected to any particular culture.
I didn’t get much exposure to my Colombian family’s culture other than seeing the fun and parties until after I turned 19. I held some fear about the partying because I was aware of the drug history of Colombia and was taught to fear it. My Papa began to foster stronger relationships with his extensive family in Colombia and started to visit often.
I began going myself and that is when I started to understand more about my Colombian roots. I spent hours talking with my grandma in her Medellin apartment overlooking the city. I fell in love with wandering the tree lined city streets, even now it brings tears to my eyes to think about the park I could wander through to get to restaurants and bars next to where she lived. I visited family fincas, working farms for cattle, chickens, and flowers (did you know 80% of the imported flowers to the U.S. come from Colombia?), and worked on rolling my r’s with my little cousin for hours in a pool so it wouldn’t matter how much we spit while practicing. I ate food that nourished me in ways I had never felt in the United States. It felt like I was returning home and I learned more about how people can live in community.
My Grandma Maria had moved back to Colombia after she became disabled in her 30s, and I got to witness how supported she was by family. People were always coming and going visiting with each other there. I think of this often when I think about how I want to live and the community I want to facilitate creating. The collectivistic society of my Colombian family is so aligned with what feels right for me and witnessing my family supported the creation of the values I have today. I came to realize that the partying I had witnessed was about celebrating living and connection with one another, and not something to be afraid of. I bring these values around nourishment of body and mind into my work as a healer and into the values of Ecodelic.
To my Mama and her ancestry I give thanks for how her difficult circumstances prompted her connection to the natural world. Weeks ago my Mama took the time to talk with me about how her relationship with nature began and I would like to honor her by sharing with you. She grew up in Huntington Beach when it was swamp land, and there were plenty of interesting natural spaces to explore. She experienced significant trauma which led to struggles with her mental health and she turned to the nature around her when seeking connection and care. She said that being in nature was like “going from a cage to freedom,” and that resonates with me deeply. My Great-Grandma Esther would take her camping a lot and showed my mom how to cook and live outside of society.
My mother’s family came from Missouri and I was raised hearing stories from my Grandma Annie about playing on and with the land and beings who inhabit it. I went on multiple cross country road trips to Missouri as a child exploring this country, spending time on the land. While we didn’t have a lot of financial resources, my mom ensured we made it to Yosemite almost every summer, and that land has always been a place of refuge to me, another home. I learned from my mom how to love and tend to plants and animals, with my hands (and sometimes whole body) in the dirt, scrambling on rocks, getting pricked by cacti, and being okay with getting messy.
As an adult as I was in the beginning years of my own healing journey, I turned to Yosemite to build connection and a foundation for my own growth. I never felt comfortable in my body as a child, just like my mom, and I didn’t feel confident using my body anywhere except when in nature. I disliked almost every form of movement except hiking. While that has changed drastically as I have built a healthier relationship with my body, I am so grateful for the foundation I built with nature and myself. I seek to share the benefits of living in reciprocity with the land, the way I was taught, with the world around me.
As I have begun to integrate my cultural influences, I see now that I had and have access to so many different ways of existing, so many varied beliefs. I am continuously building more awareness of how my ancestry and lived experiences impact my values. There are some things I choose to let go of, and some I want to strengthen. I have been so privileged living in the United States, and also experienced many challenges. I seek to support others in building cultural awareness, cultural appreciation, acknowledgement of privilege, and integration of what we find about ourselves as we engage in healing work.
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